Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
