fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
