I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
