Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
