You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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