I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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