great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just pee around me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
