If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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