So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
