Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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