No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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