There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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