Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
