I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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