There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I am one with the molecules
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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