i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
