I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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