On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
