Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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