Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
