is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
