I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
