I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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