We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
