and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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