My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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