just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
