I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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