Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
