I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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