If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
