I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
