I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
