sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
