I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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