He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
