I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
