She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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