I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
