Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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