God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just gift wrapped bread.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
