She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
