How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
