and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
