when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
