God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
