So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
