i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
