this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
