So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
