I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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