Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
