We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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