so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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